Today.

It's amazing how you can go from an enlightened evening to a manic morning. Last night, I was writing love notes to my eternal lover in my head, thanking Him for fellowship and His word. This morning, I found myself yelling and mildly cursing at my little brother for being disrespectful beyond reason towards my mother. He's crying over something stupid, Mom's upset that he's not listening, Dad comes home early from work just to talk with him over his behavior. I just left the house to get some supplies for a party this evening thinking about how I hate everybody today. I hate that cashier that just gave horrible customer service to an old man, I hate those people in the parking lots that are in front of me, I hate those two gang bangin' freaks that just cut me off multiple times; just don't mess, or I may run you over with my car in my head over and over and over again. Harsh, I know. But this is how I feel. Anger is controlling my life today, and when I leave it up to me to handle things, it just gets worse. So here's my prayer for the rest of today:

Lord, you know I'm mad. You know I want to just shut myself in my room until life is over for today. But, that can't happen. That's not supposed to happen. I am your child who is supposed to be becoming more like Jesus. So what happened today? I'm distraught over hearing the same thing from my little brother multiple times a week, I'm angry that my mother deals with it the way she does, and I'm sad that my father is the one expected to fix it, all the time. I want to give the entire situation to you, but when it happens over and over I feel like this little brother situation is completely hopeless. On top of that, we're supposed to act like a God-fearing, Christian family in front of Dad's employees at the Halloween party tonight. This will be a failure without you. We will fail. You're holding us together by what feels like a thin thread and I've been waiting for it to completely snap. HELP US, PLEASE! I know you do great and mighty things! You saved the Israelites from the Egyptians, You brought Jonah out of the whale, You made water into wine, You cast out demons, You walked on water, You brought people back from the dead. But when it comes to my immediate family situation, I struggle the most with trusting that You are powerful enough to redeem us. It's a sickening feeling. It's more than I can emotionally bear, as you have seen. Please Lord, remove my doubt. Help me depend on You and not myself. I fall when I forget that you are there, waiting for me to call on You. The rest of the day can be good. You are able to bless me with joy and patience. You are able to save my little brother from himself. You are able to restore my parents' lives to the way that it used to be, but better. Sanctify us to be more like Jesus. It's possible. I just have to keep reminding myself that it is. For now, I need to love little brother despite his actions. I need to support and love my parents in whatever decisions they make for us as a family. I need to watch my anger, my words, my attitude. It's a very bumpy and windy road we are on right now. You've placed these trials in my little family's life for a reason. Remind me that You are sanctifying us in them. That You love us still, even when we suck at life, and when we hate each other. Remind me that Your love never fails. That You are bigger than every trial that we face. This doesn't feel like a small trial. I know it's big. But You are the Creator of the universe who holds us together. You are my Rock and strength for each day. You provide me with breath to breathe, and a heart that beats. You are the Savior of my soul, and because of that, I will find rest. Today is a very short time compared to eternity with You. Thank You for keeping me alive today, and for providing me with a family I know still loves me, despite its many faults. Thank You, my Awesome Giver, my Jesus, 

Amen. 

Maranatha. Come, Oh Lord.