'Tis a Good Friday!

I woke up this morning thinking, "Why am I awake right now?...Oh I have school this morning...Maybe I should sleep in and not go..." like so many other college students. However, my thought process continued with, "It's Good Friday, that could be a good excuse to not go to class! I'll just go to the restroom and make my decision after I get up on whether or not I'll go!". As I dragged myself out of bed, I thought of the possible consequences of not going to school...how my father would be disappointed in me after finding out I had school today, how my mother would react in seeing that I did not go, and how I would miss my dear friends in class and a possible in-class assignment. Then I thought of the benefits of sleeping in (since I was awakened twice in the middle of the night by a restless hamster), and the excuse of, "Oh if I sleep in, I can just open up God's word after I wake up and read about His crucifixion then!" as if that would make me feel better about myself. Overall, I feel ridiculous thinking these things. Ultimately, I made the decision to go to school. 

Last night I had stayed up late reading Matthew 26-27:56, the plot to kill Jesus through His crucifixion. I'm glad I did. The Holy Spirit sometimes reveals strange things to you when you're tired. This morning He reminded me that I'm using a day to remember His crucifixion as an excuse to make myself more comfortable. How ironic is that?? It finally clicked as I was battling my first world decision in my head on the way to the bathroom (lol). How is it a blessing to the Lord to possibly disappoint my parents and make myself even more comfortable on a day to remember such sacrifice and pain? How does that make sense? Not only that, but He also knows my heart. He knows that I foolishly thought about "making it up to Him" by reading His word after sleeping in, as if He needs me! Puhleez. I should be sacrificing more, even if it is just a man-made holiday! That would make more sense than listening to my flesh. I'm still baffled over the fact that I'm just now learning this. It's completely humbling. 

And in all this, He continues to bless me. 1. Dad woke up while I was getting ready for school today and made a large pot of coffee to share with me. 2. I had time to read a different account of His crucifixion (John 18-19:30) in my car before class started. 3. My classmates made me laugh and smile as they shared stories and lovingly asked how I was doing. 4. My sister and I got to visit our best friend at work and do a little shopping together without any irritated quarrels. 5. At work, our newest co-worker revealed to me that she loves Jesus too, and helped me so much in the bakery with her joyful heart and readiness to serve! I'm counting my blessings and they're stacked up so high! I would keep going, but I don't want to bore you or make you jealous! ;D 

I'm at the end of my day now and I'm reminding myself that the great thing about His crucifixion is that it's not the end of the story. Easter is coming up, and I get to celebrate His resurrection with my church family and my biological family...and now that I think about it, I shouldn't be as bummed as I have been about having to work on Sunday afternoon! Maybe I should be excited about working on Sunday, since He is the great and almighty Savior, who conquered death, that I may serve Him well no matter where I am...or how tired I may be. 

Come, Oh Lord. Maranatha.

He is Present...and It's Scary.

I don't know what the exact reason is for this, but I feel very isolated in some of my community college classes. Today, for instance, I sat there surrounded by young people who just graduated high school not too long ago, and older women taking sign language for reasons I am unsure of. The Freshies were chatting amongst themselves on different topics and the older women were chatting with each other...and I sit there and wonder if I'm the only in betweener (age-wise) there...and if anyone else loves Jesus too. The conversations the Freshies have are never wholesome; there's an f-bomb in almost every sentence and a lot of complaining and party talk...and to be honest, my desire is to find just one brother or sister to talk to in some of these classes. As I'm typing this, I wonder if it's my pride that holds me back from talking to these 'kids', or if it's a genuine disdain for the topics they are discussing; it's probably both. 

Lately, there have been a lot of other things that keep reminding me that Satan is always at work here. In class, I've got a kid behind me content in the false teachings of Joseph Smith and a kid in front of me with a shirt that reads "Jesus Loathes You". In my own life, I've dealt with regularly scheduled nightmares that tempt me to think that God isn't near. I've got a sister who recently told me a business interview turned into a confession from a woman of the intense hatred she has for God's children. Meanwhile, on facebook, there's a friend posting everything he can about gay pride and his identity as a homosexual. It’s as if Satan is saying “YES, I AM THE PRINCE OF THE EARTH!”...and it scares me. 

I don’t want to pretend that he isn’t active or powerful once you’re saved. However, I don’t want to underestimate the power of Trinity. My pastor mentioned this past weekend a few types of afflictions that I now see relate to what I’ve gone through/seen recently, including demonic affliction (what I believe was behind my nightmares), vicarious affliction (hatred towards Jesus=hatred towards you), and empathetic affliction (you hurt because they're hurting). It all confirms the fact that we live in a fallen world. However, I’m glad that Scripture tells us that afflictions have a purpose, whether we see that right away or not,
“...but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5).

My pastor also reminded me that, “Jesus suffered the most...and righteously.”,

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faiththat I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,” Philippians 3:8-10.

When I see my suffering as “meaningful, powerful, and purposeful” (from my sermon notes) I can reflect Christ more by the power of the Holy Spirit, “becoming like him in his death”. Sure, the devil may have a hand in the goings-on of this world, but he has no power compared to the greatness of the Holy Spirit! This is a comfort to me, and should be a comfort to you if you know and love Jesus! However, I fear for the woman I mentioned who hates Christians, for the students in my classes, and for my apathetic co-workers. Maybe this should cause a greater urgency in my prayers for them, since it’s only by His grace that I’m not in that place anymore...

Come, Oh Lord. Maranatha.