I told the few people who read this that my next blog post was going to be a book review. However, this post is not on the book I originally had plans for, (I hope to finish that other book once school ends). I actually just finished a "parental guide" on adolescence entitled
Why Do They Act That Way? by Dr. David Walsh, and so many thoughts are streaming through my head right now. I am wondering how my teenage years went by so quickly, and if the stories I read in the book could relate to how I treated my parents. I am reflecting on how grateful I am for God's mercy and grace in saving me during my teenage years, and providing me with parents who loved Him too. Yet, I keep shifting my focus from my recent past to the current situation in the family with a teenage boy who desperately fights for independence.
Discernment is one of the greatest gifts that God gives us as His adopted children. I am feeling especially grateful for that right now. This book was, by no means, written with a Scriptural foundation in mind, but I still see how the Lord has used it to help me love, and at least try to understand, my teenage brother more, bit by bit. I have tried my best to knock on his bedroom door before I enter, in respect to his strangely new desire for privacy and his own space. When it comes to his emotional outbursts, I make more attempts at remaining calm, and explaining the given situation in a more rational point of view that he would understand. However, I find myself at a crossroads of wanting to support my parents decisions, whatever they may be, while simultaneously ditching my sibling role completely and becoming a third parent myself.
This book was just a strange read for me altogether. I am no longer a teenager, yet
I am not a parent. I have no idea what it is really like to have my own child argue with me on the rules I have set for their benefit. I have no clue what it is like to have a happy-go-lucky little girl turn into a depressed teen in the blink of an eye. I cannot even imagine how I would react to a teenage son tell me that his girlfriend has confessed an abusive situation at home. What??? As I read the "mouthy" mistakes that Dr. Walsh made towards teens in school, I know I probably would have said the exact same things, if not more than he did.
So, do I just pray that if the Lord decides to bless me with kids one day, that by the time they're teens I'll be a completely different person by then? I know that as a Christian, spiritual growth
will make me a different person by the time my kids are teens, but really, I am sure there will be days when I just do not feel like dealing with them. I am sure there will be times when I'll say something to my child that I will regret. In other words, OH LORD, PLEASE PROTECT MY FUTURE CHILDREN! ;D
An age of adolescence is simultaneously ending and beginning at this house. The oldest is moving out tomorrow. My sister is doing the same in a couple weeks. And while all this is happening, my little brother's body and brain are going through some major changes. Soon, it will just be adult me and teenage bro. You may entitle this a scary situation. Little Bro is already distraught over living with just me, and I don't really blame him! From his point of view, I'm the evil sibling who attempts to enforce parental rules. He no longer wants to hang out, and he's tired of me telling him what to do, and "getting in his biz". I often hear, "Why don't you just stick your giant nose somewhere else, Purp!". My obvious concern over parental feuds and his behavior just ends up creating a bigger scene than it needs to be.
As an older sibling...I hope to play some kind of role in his adolescence. I want him to look back as an adult and have positive memories of when we lived together. I don't want him to dreadfully recall all the times we argued, or the all the times I yelled at him for not listening. If you're reading this, you probably know that I am not known to have great relationships with my other siblings either. My older brother, yes, but my sister...well, the few of you that read this know what I am referring to. I want this relationship to be different. I want the best for my little brother, an even better age of adolescence than my own! I don't want him to make the same mistakes I did. I want him to go to the best school and receive an education that challenges him. I want him to find out what his strengths are, and build upon them! I want him to love Jesus more than I ever loved Him in high school, and I want to prevent him from getting as prideful as I was in my faith. (I know, an oxymoron, how can you have a Christ-like faith and be prideful?? Try to understand what I meant, I had a bad case of self-righteous-itis).
I'm sure if my professor read this she would be overjoyed that her book assignment got through to me. However, I find this to be, yet again, another great act of the Holy Spirit. I feel that if I read this book maybe even a year ago, I would have blown it off and thought it to be another cheesy, useless Development book. The Lord has greater plans than that. He planned it out so that my heart was ready to read this book. Even though there weren't any Scripture references involved, He still exposed some blatant truths that need to be worked on. 1. Before now, I haven't tried my best to love and understand my little brother; 2. I need to stop being a parent while keeping appropriate communications with my parents, and 3. The Lord can restore this situation if I set an example for younger sibling in every aspect. (ex., if I want to see him respect and obey my mother right away, I need to model that for him).
Here are some biblical verses (italics added) to go along with Dr. Walsh's advice on how to deal with teenagers. It is simple and obvious, yet we don't do it. (I don't know if the Doc knows this, but it is also helpful for people of all ages. ;D)
"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;" (James 1:19)
"And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (Ephesians 5:2)
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise)." (Ephesians 6:1-2)
"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8)
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another..." (James 5:16)
"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger," (Ephesians 4:26)
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)
Interesting how secular advice brings up everlasting principles, huh? He gives us His word for a reason guys...
Why Sarah, are you just now figuring this out at 21?? Ya, I know, let Him redeem it all for His glory. ;D
Come, Oh Lord. Maranatha.
