I'm Awake and I Felt Compelled to Share

For some odd reason, I'm having a difficult time getting sleepy at this hour...maybe it's due to a nap I took earlier this afternoon, maybe it's from the dark chocolate bar I ate around 12, maybe it's from my late night work schedule...who knows! ;D So now I'm left writing to the world thinking that there is a possibility of encouraging somebody on the internet with my words...so here it goes...

A friend of mine from work is learning english as he's teaching me spanish, and that's how I'm going to start my story. My story really isn't that interesting, but I'm going to continue writing it anyways because I feel like it...so hax if you don't care, 'cuz I don't either! hehe Anywho, the two of us decided to play a 'game' of sorts by writing down phrases in our native languages with the goal of learning how to read the foreign one better eventually. Each week we switch our index cards of random sentences about our lives and translate them when we're not trying to sleep, or when we're not crazily working. In addition to translating, we add more sentences to keep the 'game' goin'...this has proven to be a challenge at times when I have no idea what to write. Today, I decided to write a very concise and short testimony of my Christian life in the hopes that the Lord would use me to relay some sort of message to him that would glorify Christ and open his eyes to whatever he needs to see right now...Of course, I had to include at least a couple verses that I thought were good for him to translate at home...and the first verse that came to mind was Ephesians 2:8...

"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God."

Context on why I chose this verse...well, he has told me before that he is a Catholic who goes to church every now and then...so I figured, 'why not open God's word to a testimony of His grace?!'. The Catholic church has done a mighty fine job teaching about how you need to work for your salvation, (along with every other religion out there) and I felt that maybe, just maybe, God would use this to get him to read the Bible more, or ask more questions about Christianity...Would you call that sneaky? Yeah, it probably is...and I would never dare say that all Catholics are unsaved, by the way. I would say that there are a lot of Catholics who know their Bible way more than some people who profess to be Christians, and no doubt, there are Catholics who know it better than me! I suppose the main goal of writing that verse down for him was to encourage him to think about the grace of Christ, and how awesome our God is! If my co-worker never decided to open up His word again or never got curious about what the verse said, I would still be okay with it knowing that the Lord's plans are way different than mine! WARNING: I'm pretty much just writing whatever comes to mind now, so if you're reading it and thinking that I'm rambling, that's probably what I'm doing.

I was getting towards the end of my 'concise testimony', and I wanted to 'close' with one last verse...So I'm sitting on the couch with my mom's Bible on my lap just flipping through pages of wisdom, wondering where to go from there. I was thinking I could close with another verse from Ephesians, but then I kept reading and wanted to read more from other books written by Paul...so I got to Colossians and set my eyes upon the beauty of those words...but then I didn't want to confuse my co-worker with the phrasing of some of those verses due to the historical context of the letter...and then I remembered how much I really enjoy the book of Philippians, so I finally chose a verse of linguistic simplicity, yet profound meaning: Philippians 1:21.

"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

And all that was going through my head at that moment was, 'LORD, WHY DO I NOT READ YOUR WORD MORE?! PAUL, YOU WERE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MAN! I am an embarrassment to the faith...'. It had finally occurred to me that the Lord had used my spanish-speaking co-worker to get me to open His word. It had dawned on me that maybe, just maybe, the Lord thought my 'plan' was funny. All along I was thinking I would be an encouragement to him, when in reality, my co-worker is indirectly encouraging me. God uses people who we think may not be saved to get us to depend on His word more...and amazingly enough, I tend to think I've got it all planned out. GOD IS SO FUNNY SOMETIMES! What patience He has to deal with such small thinking! Can you imagine what it's going to be like when we get to heaven and am in the presence of a perfectly comedic God?! What joy and laughter we will experience, right??

I just thought I'd share that...and whoever is reading this may be thinking 'cool story bro, no need to tell it again!'... so I probably won't. :)

Come, Oh Lord. Maranatha. (Can't wait to experience that joy and laughter with You!)

Why is it so Hard for Me?

It is difficult to explain the thoughts that consume my head when I see men lusting after, or disrespecting women. I feel disgusted, angered, sad...but none of which bring about thoughts like, "Oh, that guy needs the gospel!", or "Wow, maybe I should get a Christian brother to go talk to him!". In other words, my heart is definitely not broken for them. How sad is that? If the guy I observe isn't saved, where is my compassion? Was I not a slave to sin myself before Jesus saved me? If it is a concern over respect for women, does it just offend me because I think I deserve to be treated a certain way, or does it offend me because they are truly hurting another person's feelings? How interesting that these questions are just now making their grand appearance in my thought processes! I know I will never be able to say that going to a place like a bikini bar is okay, (unless for the purpose of evangelism)....but I do want to say that my attitude towards people who go into places like that is not okay. 

So, how do I love that person when my immediate reaction to their sin is disgust? How do I change that good ole, Americanized feminist mindset of "all guys are pigs"? My disturbance over their disrespect turns into an immediate disrespect for them, which helps no one, and becomes hypocrisy. Fortunately, here in this blessed county of the United States of America, I can remember and look to God's word! :D  

1 John 1:6 says, "This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all."I had to mention this verse because it reminded me of my own depravity. "No darkness at all."...meaning, the sins that I struggle with every day still separate me from fellowship with God; it is equal to a man's lust. 

1 John 4:7-8 continues with, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." OUCH! How convicting is that?! If I claim to be saved, I better be loving that person who just "offended" me! The Holy Spirit living in me should make love an easy option if I would just stop and listen for once! 

The message of the cross and the resurrection of Jesus Christ needs to be the central focus, main idea...actually, our entire life purpose! 

"In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." 1 John 4:9-11

I did not love God first. I was never capable of doing so. The Lord gave Himself to me. "For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost." (Luke 19:10). If I was truly wanting what He wants, I would have passionately wanted that person to be saved!  

I hope next time I see an "unpleasant" facebook post, or hear a sin-filled conversation, or feel disrespected myself, I cry tears of sorrow for those people's lost souls and enslavement to sin. I pray that my life would reflect Christ and the love He has shown me, and that He would humble me more each day. I walk in light, so may that light be bright enough for other people to see it...

Come, Oh Lord. Maranatha.

Lesson of the Week...

You know what's strange? Finding contentment when you feel like you have no idea what you're doing; when you don't have a real plan for the near future, when you don't know who may come into your life, when you don't know where you may be in the next year... and the fact of life here on this earth is that you will never know. I've been encouraging a friend to read the book of Job recently, and it makes me think about how I've been reacting to my current stage in life right now. Unlike Job, I'm not being placed into the hands of Satan for insane trials and torture, and no one would say that I am one of the most 'righteous' persons of this earth. However, I do feel like nothing is in my hands concerning my future. It's like the Lord is watching me from up above with His research team, studying how I make the 'bigger' decisions for myself. He already knows the outcome, but maybe He's curious to know if I will be seeking Him for the answers to the questions that bombard my brain at night....or maybe He wants to see if I will begin seeking answers from the logic that I think I have.

I would say that the will that He has given us is a gift. I also know that when we don't think about it as a gift, we think about it as a 'right' or a 'property' in a sense. It's difficult to meditate on the fact that my sin is powered by will. When I deliberately disobey God, that's my way of saying, "Hey, you gave will to ME and I'm going to use it for MY pleasure!". My knowledge of having will power as a gift should cause me to give back to the One who gave; it should motivate me to use it for pleasing the Giver of all things. So I sit here and wonder what Job was thinking after He had praised God for His sovereignty in the last chapter...He must have finally understood that his life was something that was completely not his own. He must have seen that the Lord can easily take it away from him in a flash, just as He took away the lives of so many of his loved ones in one day. Job was such a righteous man, did he struggle with contentment after everything that happened to him, after the book ends? Surely, he must have at least once! However, contentment is directly correlated to His sovereignty... So maybe Job learned his lesson for good! Maybe when he was resting his head at night he sat there dwelling upon the goodness of life in the Lord's sovereign plan for it. My prayer is that the Lord will remind me of how He has brought me here to this place so far, and how He has something greater planned for those who want to glorify Him. I pray that I would remember that will power is a great gift when used for Him, and that the future is not mine, but His. May I view this all as a marvelous blessing...probably like Job did.

Come, Oh Lord. Maranatha.

Sincere Worship

This morning while walking in the gym before chapel, I came across a young woman who was sitting in the bleachers sulking. This greatly disturbed me, because I knew I could be one of the reasons why she was sulking, and it quickly changed my attitude from 'all is well' to 'all is annoying'. I thought to myself 'Really, does your life suck that much that you would act this way?'. To make the situation worse, the night before I was unable to complete my reading for government class, so this added more distractions onto my offering before the Lord. As I was singing along with the worship crew and my fellow students, I came to realize that I wasn't really paying too much attention to lyrics at all, and when I did, I did not feel that I was giving the Lord my everything. I began to then justify myself by blaming the young woman sitting on the bleachers for distracting me, when in reality I'm the one standing there, blocking my own view of the goodness of God. As my mind was drifting off into the dense forest of my thoughts, I began to realize that my heart was in a dark place at that moment. The only thing I can tell you from the message today was what passages we were in, other than that, I was lost. I knew I had sinned, and that was my time of figuring out why.
That young woman...she deserved grace from me. That young woman...she deserved compassion and understanding from me. What was I doing? I was thinking about myself the ENTIRE morning! HOW can a heart be prepared to worship the Lord if it is so self-absorbed?? She may have been sulking, but I was the one quick to sinfully react to it! The Lord has shown me immeasurable grace, and yet I still act like I deserve to be loved. I act as if my pedestal could not get any higher! My pride hurts me the most, and I have grown so tired of it, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23). I NEED to remind myself of how depraved I really am DAILY, for if I don't, I will become poisoned by self-righteousness. A heart that is ready to worship the Lord is one that is clean, and humble. I found a couple verses on worship from the Psalms...


Psalm 95:6
Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker;


Psalm 99:5
Exalt the LORD our God and worship at his footstool; he is holy.


LET US KNEEL, HE IS HOLY! What a reminder today of how far from that I truly am! The only person that is worthy of being exalted is the Lord, never me. I cannot offer Him sincere worship if my sin is entangling my thoughts. I cannot offer Him sincere worship if my view of Him is lower than myself.

 So, in conclusion, if you are having trouble 'getting into the worship', let me ask you...Do you have anything that you need to repent of? How often have you thought of just yourself up until that point of the day? How has the Lord shown you grace that week? In answering these questions, your heart may become broken, and spurt forth a fountain of praise, as mine did...

May He make me ready to really praise Him in His return. Maranatha.